


omni pace

by NotPersephone



Series: Count and Countess Lecter [40]
Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: F/M, Hannibal Novel References, Letter, Misha Feels, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-07
Updated: 2020-02-07
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:46:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22605703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotPersephone/pseuds/NotPersephone
Summary: Hannibal writes a letter to his sister once he came to peace with everything that happened in his life.
Relationships: Bedelia Du Maurier/Hannibal Lecter, Hannibal Lecter & Mischa Lecter
Series: Count and Countess Lecter [40]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/884424
Comments: 8
Kudos: 22





	omni pace

The elegant pen hovers above the blank page, unseen drop of ink gathering beneath its tip but remaining contained despite its trepidation. As if it were readying itself to embark on the most perilous of quests, and in a way, it is. Hannibal stares at the white paper, hesitating, but the stream of thoughts in his mind is clear and peaceful, his heart light. He inhales deeply and brings the pen to paper.

_Mano meile,_

_Those two words I have not imagined myself uttering again, let alone writing with such ease._

_For so long, my mother tongue laid buried deep within my mind, together with twisting snakes of venomous memories, ready to strike at any given moment of frailty. Words that were once special turned into curses that could stir the dormant serpents if spoken too haphazardly. Each time a word was called to existence, it was carefully examined. Only the moments of most importance were privy to the sound of the language that I could not forget, remaining burning brightly within the pits of my despair. Only the most special of moments and only the most special of people._

The pen pauses at the end of the sentence and Hannibal smiles to himself before resuming.

_But they are just words in the end; there are no ghosts hidden within the perishable sounds and clusters of letters. It is stone and wood that it thought to hold the remnants of the past, lingering spirits clinging to the echoes of their lost lives. It would surprise you to find me here then, the last place I wanted to return to, the place you had never left._

_Home._

_Now it is the only place I want to be._

_I remember our father sitting in this exact room, working, not to be disturbed, yet you always disobeyed the rule, running through the half-closed door just to greet him. He was never mad at you; how could he be? He would have done anything for you at a faintest shadow of your smile. And I would as well._

_Yet in the end, I was not able to do the one thing I needed to do most: save you. Your screams kept me speechless and sleepless for years. I imagined your voice still reverberating within the walls of this castle, calling my name in vain, long after I had left._

_But I always kept you with me, shut away in the rooms of my mind, as pristine and perfect as I remembered you, keeping the poisonous fangs at bay. I believed that time could be reversed somehow, and you would be returned to me, no crack on the flawless porcelain of your image, one I retained safely all these years. But the hours continued racing forward, careless of the anguish of my heart. At times, I would become impatient, daring the time to alter, purposely dropping a cup on the floor and waiting for it to come together anew._

Hannibal gazes at the empty cup on the side of his desk; he reaches his other hand and begins to slowly move it across the smooth wooden surface of the desk. The hand stops just as the saucer begins to tip over the edge.

_It never did. No matter how hard I wanted it to._

_Not one to let fate decide my life, I tried to put the mismatched shards back together myself. I searched for you in so many faces, thinking you were somewhere out there for me to find. I saw glimpses of you and clung to them fiercely, hoping the pieces would align and become one with the vision of you in my memory palace. They were all futile attempts that left the fragments more broken than before and my heart emptier than ever._

_But then I met her._

_Bedelia._

_Had I seen the gleam of your hair the first time my eyes fell on her? If I did, the hue changed swiftly to being hers alone. And what perfect hue it is._

_For the first time, I saw someone so clearly; she was shining so brightly among the humdrum of life in all her exquisiteness. And she saw me, for exactly who I am. I divided my life in pieces among the people I met, only allowing them to perceive the crumbs I brushed off, hiding most of myself away. But she discerned me, right to my core._

_I no longer wanted to retrieve the past but create a future. With her. Her sharp mind and tender words brought me back from the ruins of the life that was long gone. It was not easy, my demons rising time and time again, but she tamed them so easily, they are now purring contently at her feet, leaping to her every touch._

_Long hidden words poured again from my lips; only the language that came from my blood seemed appropriate for addressing her. The curses became secret spells of affection meant for her alone._

_She is the reason I am alive._

_I have nearly lost her as my recklessness drove me to near destruction. I dared death more times that I could account for, thinking that is the only way of living fully. I could not have been more mistaken. Yet she still tried to protect me, even when I was beyond saving. I knew she was out of harm’s way, at least; she has always been cleverer than me._

Another pause; moving the pen between his fingers, Hannibal grins widely, feeling his heart giving a proud thump.

_Dreams of her haunted me the way yours haunted me before. But that was different; she was very much alive, and I had squandered my chance of being alive with her._

_I do not believe in miracles, but I cannot discern a better word for finding my way back to her. And especially her allowing me to return. I clang to damnation no more; I wished to relinquish every part of life and share it with her._

_She is the reason I am here now._

_Finding home within her, I was no longer afraid to return to my first home. I wanted it to be part of hers as well._

_I cannot deny I was wary when I reached for the rusted handle of the front door, feeling so familiar yet so foreign, expecting shrieks of spirits come roaring through the hallway, finally having someone to vocalise their griefs to. But Bedelia’s hand rested so surely in mine, keeping my heart and mind assured, reminding me why I was here. I turned the knob and we entered together. Like we were always meant to be._

_The building was quiet. Expectant. It spent decades buried beneath the resounding of the torments that took place within, waiting for someone to bring it back to life._

_And she did just that._

_The rooms became brighter with her mere presence in them, her tender touch filled every corner with warmth and ardour._

_The castle loves her. I know you would have loved her too._

Hannibal pauses again, a bittersweet feeling spreading within his heart. He looks up, scrutinising the walls of the library; the space is quiet and serene, just like his mind. He exhales softly, feeling the temporarily ballast lifting from his chest.

_They say writing a letter to someone you lost is a superb way of dealing with unspoken sentiments. I had never believed that notion, such pedestrian hokum. So why am I doing it now?_

_I wanted you to be returned to me, but I had not given you a voice. I had never let you speak, holding the immaculate image of you so closely, a statue on a pedestal, devoid of words. I was afraid of what I might hear, your resentment and anger for not being able to protect you. I thought I was saving you but perhaps I had only prevented you from moving on._

_A part of you will always be with me, but I can let the rest of you go. I am at peace. It is time I have given you peace as well._

_At times, I still test the bounds of the universe, dropping another teacup to shatter on the floor. It does not gather itself together. And I am glad when it doesn’t._

The sound of an opening door makes Hannibal look up, pen still pressed to paper.

“Are you all right?” Bedelia speaks quietly, surveying him closely, undoubtedly seeing all the emotions still clinging to the lines of his face. He could never hide anything from her.

Hannibal glances at the letter in front of him, then puts the pen away and folds the paper with deliberation, fingers smoothing the crease.

“Yes, always,” he looks up at Bedelia with a smile, his brimming heart calm under her watchful care.

She returns the smile and does not question him further, stepping into the room and walking to stand behind the desk, next to him. His arm finds her waist at once, encircling it with tenderness, making Bedelia perch on the arm rest of his chair. Her fingers reach for the back of his neck, stroking his hair, his favourite caress. Hannibal feels an instant purr rising within his throat; he turns his head to look at her with adoration.

Suddenly, Bedelia’s eyes narrow as she notices the teacup placed carelessly on the very edge of the desk. She reaches her hand and pushes it away in one smooth gesture, saving it from its possible ruination.

Hannibal smiles, watching the ceramic shining in its untouched beauty.

He knows his heart and life are just as safe.

**Author's Note:**

> The title means unbroken peace.   
> "Mano meile" means my love in Lithuanian.  
> Thank you for reading! As always, feedback is love.


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